whenever i see a pic of gus
no matter how good a white boy looks,
there’s 98.3% chance that he’s corny as hell and an absolute fuckboy.
LOOK AT THESE COLOSSAL FUCKIN LEMONS FROM THE TREE MY BROTHER HAS PEED ON EVERY DAY SINCE HE WAS LIKE 5 YEARS OLD
im laughing/crying i dont want any more messages about this listen up you fucks apparently pee makes citrus plants grow well he learned this from a movie called the world’s fastest indian it is a very good movie starring sir anthony hopkins a highly inspirational film you will be compelled to purchase a lemon tree sapling and see a man about a dog on it every day for the rest of your life and you will be blessed with lemons the size of footballs. yes we ate the pee lemons.
have you ever met a person that you’re forced to mantain a level of cold civility towards but if you could you would totally punch them as hard as you could but you can’t so every second you’re forced to be around them you’re thinking of smashing their face in just so they’ll shut up
once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes
that last one tho…
The last one is super bad ass. That guy rocks. Most of these I was all “LOL CUTE” but the last one wow thats what gave it this reblog.
I couldn’t care less about your religion or sexual orientation or race or whether you’re a virgin or have slept with 400 people or have done time in jail
but the moment you eat my leftovers without asking that’s when i decide you’re a terrible person
You know you’re attached to someone when you’ve gotten so used to talking to them on a daily basis and they’ve become a part of your happiness. But when you guys don’t talk, it’s like a part of you is gone and you just start to miss them uncontrollably.
what if you could meet your celebrity crush but the cost was them knowing everything you’ve ever said about them in your tumblr tags
relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead